yumyo_fruits

http://freecanh.blogspot.com/

Converted :3

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a year since I last wrote anything. Haha. If there is a need for updates, there is always facebook... though I haven't been using that too much either.

Life's been pretty epic, very busy. I always come home late and exhausted, and barely have time to rest before the next day begins. But it's a good feeling. It's good to know that you're worn out to your very bones because you've been working hard to help the community while still succeed in school.

I recently celebrated my 21st birthday. It wasn't anything fancy--in fact I hadn't expected anyone to remember, and if they did, I assumed that they were too busy with their own lives to pay particular mind. But they did, and I was so surprised!

I had just come home from fan practice, tired, and a bit grumpy (because, although I had come to terms with the fact that participating in Pilipino Culture Night basically meant no birthday for me... I was still bitter. 21 is an important year, ya know?). And what better way to cure bitterness than drown to it away in textbooks? YES, you heard me, I was going to study on my 21st birthday! I am the epitome of lame, yeah, tell me something I don't know.

But rather than walking into an empty apartment, I was bombarded with HAPPY BIRTHDAY's, and when I saw that tiny cake being carried out of the kitchen and all of my closest friends waiting for me at the end of the room, I literally burst into tears. Just thinking about it makes me smile and my eyes water up all over again. I LOVE YOU ALL!! Afterwards, I proceeded to buy my first alcoholic beverage (a tart and delicious pomegranate drink), take a few shots, and then study. lol.

Otherwise, life hasn't been too exciting. I went to my first gay club, haha. I've ordered my first drink at a bar. I think I'm developing yet another small crush, but I'm working on keeping it from running rampant and hindering my abilities to accomplish my responsibilities as an officer. I got summoned for jury duty (gotta send in that letter, requesting for an extension! You can't call in anymore, did you know?). And right now I'm off to do a car wash fundraiser at IHOP!

I've never managed a car wash before, and Long, my Pub-mentor won't be there to show me the ropes. So I'm praying that everything runs well, and that I exude enough leadership for the interns to listen to what I have to say x_x

P.S.: I am in love with Zachary Quinto, especially when he wears plastic frames <3

Today was a good day, full of smiles and laughter. I woke up early (I actually got up at 8am this time), took a shower, and sat down in front of my desk to study. Boring as it may seem, my flowers, the sun rays oscillating with the sway of the leaves, and the simple, pristine white paper in front of me made it feel like something out of the movies--or an introduction to one of those typical novels where the day begins normally and ends in an unexpected disaster.

( A long summary about my day... lol )

I hope everybody else is having just a swell of a day ^_____^

OH YES; I visited GameStop today during lunch and asked one of the employeed if I could have one of the Metal Gear Solid 4 promotion posters displayed on the windows. Usually they're already reserved, but the guy said that I could have them as soon as they were no longer needed! He said I could only have one, though--so I chose Snake, even though my heart equally loves Raiden ;__; But the guy DID say that I could have the Raiden poster if nobody else wanted it in the end. YAAAAY. I'll keep my fingers crossed. In the meantime... OMIGAWD, SNAKE... so hawt.

Because I haven't done my laundry in ages (a result of a hectic schedule and a natural laziness, lol) I've had to mix-match my clothes here and there. So even though today was nice and sunny with the occasional breeze to stir the loose strand of hair (or NOSE HAIR, ew) my mix-matched self, unwisely wrapped up in a black sweater, found itself walking to-and-fro campus on the verge of being cooked alive.

On the bright side, at least I won't get anymore darker than I already have--and that's pretty dark!

We had out STATS Coordinator Dinner today at Burgers and Brew. It isn't a traditional thing, but I think it 'ought to be. The coordinators only ever see each other for meetings, fund raisers, socials and the like--but we never really "hang out" outside of our club-personas. I believe that a good club is run by officers that know each other well--know each other's peeves and bad habits--but it's hard to get to know the other coordinators when we never meet up.

Today's dinner really helped rectify that. Of course, I feel that the new group of coordinators have gotten really close compared to our first meeting. Thanks to facebook, I regularly "chat" with one of the other coordinators (and at one point, we had thoroughly spammed each other's facebook walls, haha) At my end of my table, we casually talked about Monty Python and getting drunk, haha. And at the end, we kindly asked the waiter to take a picture of us <3



( Finals Stress )

REAL POSTAH

I feel like I've gotten considerably more girly since I've come to Davis. I part of that might be my roomie Tiff, who isn't the most girly girl I've ever seen (though she's the most girly of my friends) but is still fairly feminine, and the other part just might be me embracing this new side that I've always kept in check.

I certainly don't hate it; but it's strange to see my godzilla figurine standing next to my bouquet of fake, raspberry colored flowers (I recently acquired--and by acquire I mean swift fully snagged off the table--them at a club banquet). Though I have to admit that baby godzilla's minty green tone compliments the flowers perfectly, haha. In any case, I've grown a new affinity for the color pink and its various hues. Just coming home to see my flowers sitting at my desk makes me so happy--I actually like studying in that cramped area now! Its organization brings a comforting predictability in my otherwise chaotic and unpredictable life. It's unfortunate, then, that heat likes to travel upwards and loiter in my room--and that my thighs apparently like my chair so much that they cling to it like a lost-lover. Guh... sweat + leather chair = gross.

I've also moved my Lipstick Plant (appropriately named Sticky) upstairs with me, too. Usually he's in the kitchen beside the window, but I think he looks much better perched at the top of my desk. Besides, I think the wind from our window--which is usually open--helps the carbon dioxide circulation in his leaves, and thus the entire water transport from root to stem. We have a mutualistic relationship, he and I! He makes me smile, I give him a good place to photosynthesize, lol.


Ah! So while I was/am in this girly phase, I purchased (not "acquired") a new bowl! I think it's adorable ^o^ Tiff also gave me a be-lated birthday present which also happens to be pink. lol.



A few days ago I had dinner with Hop--or, rather, he prepared the dinner, we cooked it together, and I made dessert. With my mediocre cooking skills, I was expecting a complete disaster, but the cheesecake balls turned out to be delicious. I made approximately 30, and they were mostly gone by the end of the weekend! I was so happy :3 The recipe's extremely easy, so I hope to make it when I go back home, which will be less than a week!

This post is nothing more than a way for me to update my journal and review the materials. If I can explain what I've learned in my own language, then it will prove that I have a full grasp on the material. Haha. So you don't have to read--or be completely bored out of your mind. Actually, parasitic insects are pretty interesting ^_^

( PARASITIC COPE )

( CLASS ARACHNIDA )

Today, I watched IronMan with my friends. This was probably one of the better parts of my day, haha. Despite what other people may think, I believe that it was worth $9. You can't really put a price on having a good time with friends anyway. I think our epic photoshoot afterwards was pretty priceless, haha.

Anyways, the movie was great. The action scenes were super, but there was enough humor and plot to move the movie along at a smooth pace. But the crowd in Davis was so boring! Honestly, you'd expect a college audience to have more life and excitement. I and another person were the only ones to "WOOT!!!" for the Batman Preview. When the epic movie ended, it was only my row that applauded. Weaaaaaaak!



BUT. OMIGOD. SOMEONE GIVE TONY A THICKER SHIRT. His nipples were friggin' pointy the entire time. geez x___x'' Or at least put tapes over his nipples, hahaha.

Then afterwards, we hung around the area for a bit and had an...
EPIC PHOTOSHOOTZ!!!


When the movie ended, we realized that we were the only people left in the theater and quickly took advantage of the situation. (1) PANSY BLASTOFF! (2) Spider man pose and Eddy launching off the picture, haha.


And then we left and decided to mimic the movie posters.

Wow, I seriously fail at updating. I can't find any real explanation for my withdrawal from LJ, only that I discovered that I posted only to complain. A friend of mine was right when he said that he'd rather confront his issues in reality rather than write them down. I had told him in response that it's important to document all the happenings of your life, since our time here--alive--is so short, but I see now that we're both correct. When used properly, the LJ can be a useful tool. So I will try to write both good&bad memories :)

Today, Tiff, Brittany and I went to downtown sac, Westfield Mall. I never knew that Downtown Sac could be such a shady area, but it's littered with lurking men that don't refrain from checking you out and little teenagers casually lounging on the benches, SMOKING. I even saw a girl walking around wearing a bra. It was... interesting. Well, despite downtown sac being populated by questionable folk, I enjoyed by time there. We initially entered the mall with several goals: To purchase a pair of shorts, a swimsuit, and a pair of sunglasses. Brittany found me a nice pair of shades at forever21, but, for the most part, we just tried on clothes that we knew we'd never wear in public/afford. I like this casual shopping. It reminds me of when I went shopping with Ai and tried out all these snazzy clothes while she was shopping for workclothes, haha.

Afterwards, we went to go eat at Hardrock Cafe. We were sitting there chatting for a few minutes when a parade of tressed-up high schoolers entered. Silky gowns, tux--yeah, they were all made up. We figured they were going to a prom of some sort (though I think early May is a bit too soon for a prom), and I, personally, was reminded of how old I am/getting. Senior prom was so long ago! Though I can still remember all the aunts fussing over my hair and makeup, haha. I realize that my getup was very simple when compared to other people's, lol. I'm not complaining (since prom ended up being an experience I don't want to repeat--at least with the same partner).

We went home after making another stop at Wal-Mart (where I purchased some smackers lipgloss, yum!), and retired for the day back at home. I was planning to spend the rest of my day studying/vegetating/failing at my social life/eating more oatmeal cookies, when I received a text from Hop that he had pretty much finished the thesis for his paper and was wondering if I'd like to see his puppy Leo.

Now, the story between Hop and I is probably one that many people probably look down on with disapproval. Society seems to believe that the online community is composed of rapists and pedophiles, who lie about their age to get into your pants. So I find it kind of hard to tell other people that Hop and I have met on a Trickster Forum, that he was the admin (Baikin) and I was a member whose username was his arch nemesis (anpanman). We found at that we both went to UC Davis and, well, got to know each other through the magical intarwebz.

It's strange telling this to people, because I have a feeling that they think that I'm a loser--wondering why I don't have "real" and "tangible" friends, and have to rely on forums to satisfy my social requirements. On the brightside, I know that my apartment doesn't have any problem with it, haha. Brittany understands that I'm friends with my guild, that we chat with each other through MSN and vent, and are linked together by facebook--that I was totally excited when we were going to meet up in Cali--and totally bummed when they moved the location to East America... ;_; The concept of an online friend is a hard when to grasp without suspicion, I suppose.

Ah, but back on track. So Hop and I have been trying to schedule lunch this entire year, but our schedules always conflicted. It wasn't until this Friday that we were able to drive off to Sac and eat at Pho-King (LOL). On the way there, I discovered that Hop is truly an amazing person. He pays for his own tuition, his own apartment, purchased his own BMW, pays for the family's phonebill, his sister's piano lessons, and, on top of that, is paying for his family's vacation to Hawaii. He says that he owns a company/business, which provides him with enough money to sustain himself, but I'm really amazed that someone so young could be so successful in the business district--and that he's so generous with it, too! He knows that his parents are struggling with employment and helps them out--I just find that really admirable. I hope I'll be able to support my family like that in the far...far... future.



And so today he texted me, asking me if I wanted to see his puppy Leo (named after Leonardo Da Vinci). AND I SAID YES, because who could say no to cute puppies? He came over after a few minutes with the most adorable puppy I've seen this year. It was in its biting stage, though, and liked to attack our fingers. I showed him around the apartment, introducing him to Tiff for the second time and then taking Leo out on a night walk.

I have to admit that a part of me is attracted to him. Though I might be confusing it with admiration, I just enjoy spending time with him, whether it's talking, playing with his dog, or just sitting there eating. However, I kind of get the feeling that he's... gay o__O;;

After my episode with Zain, I realize now that I'm probably not ready for love (or any type of attraction), that my heart can't handle the weight of another person's. My mind just gets so convoluted with thoughts of whether I'm making the other person happy enough, if I'm actually making them miserable, if I should be content with simply hugging them or pushing it further, if it's really okay that he's all clingy like this, or if I'm really in love enough to see this relationship developing in the future. I guess it's because I approach relationships like a mathematical problem, calculating when I should say next and awkwardly following them... when, in fact, I should just be "following my heart", as the cliche goes. I'm just not ready for love. Or maybe I haven't found the right guy, yet!

Because of this, I'm not going to act on my attraction to Hop. It is most definitely just admiration and because he's raising a puppy... awwwwww :3

.___.

I told myself to TURN MY HEART TO STEEL, but though the night was freezing and left me numb ALL THE WAY TO MY TOES, I was nonetheless warmed by Tuesday's DOLLAR SCOOP ICECREAM ^^ So me and the Ma Lai boy planned to go have icecream on tuesday, and I was guiltily enjoying his company. Sitting on the bench, onto top of a sewer vent, the fountain, the music streaming from some nearby speakers... and some random kid running around without a parent... hm... yes, I was enjoying myself very much.

And then he tells me that he got me something, which was unexpected O__O; I mean, the opposite gender has never gone out of his way to actually GO OUT and purchase me something. In any case, he pulled out a box of chocolates from his bag and set it on lap, and all I could do for the next several minutes was giggle like a high school girl and swing my legs back and forth. T___T'' Eventually I came back to my senses and exclaimed: "THANK YOU!", where I proceeded to hug him but just ended up smashing our heads together, which resulted in a weak: "...ow" from him and what I think was a psychedelic grin from me :B

The box came with nutritional facts (which he hastily snatched away from me when I read that each truffle was approximately 120 calories...) and delicious looking truffles. But I told him that I'd only eat them when I was absolutely starving. Under any other circumstances, the chocolate would only taste mediocre, and I'd never be able to appreciate their texture and taste, much less the thought (or lack of...) that went into buying them. I am supposed to call him when I do eat one, just so that he can be sure that his money didn't go to waste. tee-hee.

I feel so stupid--haha. It's a good stupid, I think. Infatuation, probably, but hopefully something that will develop into more. I've officially assigned Tiff my "mother". When my mind is convoluted and unable to think clearly due to this "compassionate feeling", she's supposed to smack me and set my priorities straight. We've pinky-sworn over this D:< In return, I'm supposed to play "mother" and make sure that she studies for her midterms and finals. Haha.

Hehehe, I still find myself smiling whenever I think about Dollar Scoop Tuesdays. GAH. =^^=



As for him not being able to attend the birthday party, he called me in the morning the following day apologizing. I didn't quite know how to react, since I was still half asleep. Brownie points for trying to make amends, though. ^^

I HOPE EVERYBODY ELSE IS OKIE DOKIE. GOODLUCK WITH TESTS AND FINALS :3

My disappointment ranges far and wide; is profuse and tangible, as palpable as a thick blanket of fog clouding my senses and my rationality. In my mind, I've told myself a thousand times to not get too caught up in this game of physical attraction, this mutual appreciation for the body's aesthetic values, but once again I've found myself wound up in a tangle of emotions that would be best stuffed into the trashcan in the back of my mind, gathering dust, cobwebs, and the like. Rat crap, rat poison, dead bodies and corpses, whatever else a person finds in the mind's dumpster

Nobody should be able to control my feelings, because, as I just said, they are MINE. Nobody should be able to make me smile just by being there, by sending me an occasional text message, or calling me a "geekasaurus" for moving my home into the library. A word of a concern shouldn't make my heart melt with joy that he cares for my well-being; that I'm not just another mode of entertainment for him. The tapping of his shoe in rhythm to mine... shouldn't mean anything but what it is at face value.

So ONCE AGAIN, I've blown something completely platonic COMPLETELY out of proportion. In hopes that there was potential when there was only kinetic energy, I am now left with a feeling of hope-LESS-ness, to the point where I am not even sure if I'll even be able to find this evening enjoyable, much less care of how my appearance turns out. Why dance with a complete stranger, when I could have been dancing with someone who meant so much more? This grinding and violent gyrations of the hips that could have been the gentle rocking of Spring 2007.

So I sit here, breathing heavily, sighing from an ideal night bursting into flames, but gradually my senses come back. I am a girl. I am a biological sciences major. For my entire life I have never loved anyone. I have never been kissed. I have never been embraced beneath the moonlight. I have never done the things that make girls squeal and men roll their eyes. Regardless, I have managed to live on without these things, and I figure that I will CONTINUE to live without them, not because I can't HAVE them, but because I choose NOT to. I AM COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT AND NOBODY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO MANIPULATE HOW I FEEL, DELIBERATELY OR NOT. REMEMBER THAT, PHI, THE NEXT TIME YOU GET HEAD-OVER-HEELS--THAT YOU EXISTED PERFECTLY FINE WITHOUT HIS PRESENCE. THAT YOU DO NOT REQUIRE LOVE AND ITS FALSE VALUES TO BE CONTENT WITH LIFE.

HOPE LEADS TO NOTHING BUT DISAPPOINTMENT.

*huff*puff*wheeze*

And I'm sure that tonight will be fun. As much as I would have liked to dance with him again, the main reason is for my friend's birthday. Having him there was just the extra frosting on the cake. ... ... GAH. I HATE THIS FEELING. I HATE BEING GIDDY. GOD DAMN.

OH CRAP EDITEDITEDIT:
HAPPY NEW YEARS
Wow, I haven't written anything in a long time O___O

Well, last week I did nothing but study for midterms, but spent that following weekend playing a bit of trickster and catching up on the class work that I had neglected while studying for exams. I felt that I needed some sort of reward for doing somewhat well on my tests. Self-indulgence, methinks. Despite the tests, it was a very good week... for some reason. I discovered that a TA that I highly respect is also a TA for my ochem class. I'll be attending his office hours tomorrow from 7-9pm. I wonder if anyone will be there o___o; I really just want to go just to see how he's doing as I don't really have any Ochem questions that need attending to at the moment.

In contrast, this week has been a bit glum, or its gradually declined into a valley of pessimistic feelings. Mom says that I have to work on my temper, I'm inclined to agree with her--but it's difficult when everything around me seems to live only to irritate me to death:

I've recently become a board member of the STATS club, and so I'm now part of their board meetings and a witness to how things run behind the scenes. Somehow, as a volunteer and not an actual coordinator, I had envisioned the whole process to be much more organized, and the coordinators themselves to conduct themselves in a professional manner. Alas, it's quite the opposite. Things still get done (which I suppose is the goal in the end), but that's after we've weaved around off-topic conversations about getting drunk on Superbowl Sunday ect. ect... .

In addition, there seems to be an ex-board member (who still attends the board meetings--I don't know why, though I suspect it has to do something with her chummy relationship with the prez and several other board members) who, I SWEAR, is out to kill me or at least deface me in front of the club. She's extremely aggressive when she speaks with me; aggressive in that her questions are almost demanding. They shove you into a corner and beat you until you provide the RIGHT answer, even if it isn't what you personally believe. It's quite hard to describe. Off the bat, I probably sound like a whining brat who needs to grow some balls and just learn to deal with the less pleasant side of society. Disregarding the fact that I want to turn her face into concaving metero crater, I can deal with her. Having her there just makes things... difficult ._. Somehow... I'll make it work. Otherwise, STATS has so far been a pleasant experience that I hope to continue until I graduate myself.

There's also the environment that I'm placed in. I love that my apartment knows how to have fun, that we watch dvds together, that we bake and eat, sit around the table and chat; but there are times when I wish that we'd all just buckle down and study. I would like to experience that: an apartment buzzing with braincells ticking away, the sound of pencil tips scritch-scratching on line paper... rather than the sound of people typing away on the keyboard, surfing the net and chatting when a test (that they're completely unprepared for) is several days away. I know, I know... it's none of my business whether they study or not, but it feels so strange to be the one staying at home studying for biology when everybody else is out at a party. I wonder why they aren't studying with me? Not because I'm lonely, but because, in my mind, a bio midterm holds more priority than some silly party that's bound to unfold into drunken-drama (as it ironically did in the end). As a good friend (and not some pretentious ass), I raise this complaint ._.

Lastly, food has once again been disappearing from the fridge. Tonight Tiff was going to make an omelette, but there was only ONE egg left. Obviously it can't be Tiff who ate all the eggs, so I have an inkling of who it is since there are only two remaining people to choose from. One never cooks (and I could go on a horrible, ranting tangent right here... but I'm not going to... though I am so tempted to...), so it has to be the other. I'm not so bothered, since she usually cooks for all of us anyways, I'm just a bit peeved that food was taken without asking. I have no problem with sharing, but only if the person asks. Isn't that the most polite way anyhow?

On a positive note:
Do you remember the friendship that was gradually falling apart and making me feel like crap? I think it's officially dead now, haha. I'm not bitter or anything. At first I was a bit saddened, but I moved on... just like the other person. Sometimes a certain song, a place or smell makes me think of him, but otherwise I am living on and leaving those memories behind. Our brief time together... mmm... they'll always be in my brain. I have no intentions of forgetting them, deliberately, at least, but I also have no urge to go out digging them up from their graves. PHI MOVES ON !!!!

Let's see... what else, writing has allowed to reevalulate a lot of things. I still feel tired and cranky--and I think it's showing. I think I snapped at people a lot today, especially towards the end of the day when I decided that enough was just ENOUGH. Though I think it's just that "time of the month", since the world has pretty much remained the same with me and my chemical balances the only thing dramatically changing :\

Mmm... I'm going to be up in about four hours for a FULL DAY ON CAMPUS, woot woot xD I 'ought to just bring a tent and live there, haha. I'm kind of drowsy, but I wanted to write~

Weather in Davis has been... hm ... wet, to say the least. The rain comes from all directions, kind of like the arrows in 300. THEY BLOT OUT THE SUN, TOO. I don't know how my plants are going to survive without the sun. I recently potted my herbs, and the seeds are beginning to germinate. This should take about a week or more. In that time, I hope the rain will go away so that my sprouting herbs will be able to photosynthesize and create energy in order to survive. I'LL GO TAKE PICTURES OF THEIR MULTIPLE STAGES.

I haven't been getting any sun either. It's just been very cold and damp around here. Sad and dreary, with people leaving their bikes at home and crowding onto the buses--steaming up the windows and pressed up against each other. Which... works to my advantage, sometimes ( *w*)

So I decided to linger on campus to study and took the 6pm bus home. To my surprise, there was a line already there for the A-line. I would have thought that everybody had already headed home at around, say, 4pm or maybe even 5--but 6 is rather late O__o In any case, there was a line... a line that broke completely apart as soon as the bus arrived. Everybody swarmed towards the opening doors like vultures to a carcass. As the crowd was edging their way to the doors, sneaking around and cutting into the front, this kind, tall gentleman stops and lets me go first. I was amazed, since chivalry has all but gone down the drain in today's society. He was cute, too--hee hee--though I'm aware that my version of "cute" probably doesn't correlate with the rest of the world's .___.

And with the bus as crowded as it was, we got to stand next to each other, too! And, at one point, the bus made an abrupt stop that had me bumping into his back. I SWEAR IT WAS ON ACCIDENT. I'm not a perv ;~; I said "sorry" and he replied: "It's okay"... it was a deep voice--haha, I imitated it to Tiff, but I don't think my voice carries the same way xD AAAAH~ I hope we meet again. I know that he lives are Greystone, since we both got off at the same stop!

Also, Tiff and I started working out today. Her brother burnt her one of those ab exercise dvds, where you have a proctor in the front telling you what to do. It's fun, but I can already see myself getting bored of hearing/seeing the same thing over and over again. My thighs hurt... and I feel like I'm walking on clouds when I climb down the stairs xD

OH YEAH! I'm trying a new diet where I eat a normal breakfast (bagel, cereal, oatmeal ect), a full lunch, and cereal for dinner. I didn't read it anywhere, but I figured that dinner should be a small meal, especially since it's eaten a few hours before you sleep. We'll see how this diet, in conjunction with Tiff's new exercise dvd, works out ;D

Back in Davis and guess what? *drum roll* I DROVE HERE ALL BY MYSELF!!

Through the twists&turns, the pounding rain and the water spraying out from beneath the tires--I MADE EET!! Granted, I did take the wrong exit and had to meander around a shady, hilly neighborhood for a bit until Dave directed me back on my way--a detour that added an additional ten minutes to the total traveling time. At one point I did get a little sleepy. A heated car and the steady & ordinary roll of 65 mph will do that to you. So I did what my mom told me not to do and went outside of the innerlane to jump to 70mph, lol. Which was thrilling and woke me up ^o^

Yes, so I'm back in Davis, but without the heart-wrenching goodbyes that usually follow when my family comes with me up here. I left my partings at home, and I suppose the drive here alone allowed my mind to heal and recollect itself... so that it can function back in Davis, without my mom, dad, sister, and skeeter ;__; I haven't sighed once since coming here, and I'm usually caught cleaning up the kitchen (for no apparent reason at all, only that I need something to keep myself occupied) and wheezing a serenade of distress. I sigh a lot when I'm sad, and seeing my family drive off makes me--well--sad. lol. It's much better this way, I think.

Though a lot of other things have made my heart fall in my chest, but I've already written about that. I 'ought to be happy for him, that he's moving on, moving forward with, what I hope, is a more optimistic outlook on life and himself. But the fact that we barely communicate anymore... hm... I guess I feel a bit used, but if you're offering help, then you can't really complain. All those hours spent listening to his problems, those nights where we just talked about him and his life just so that he had SOMEONE to talk to... was for the best, certainly, but I feel a bit left behind. My advice was probably never good to begin with, however.

Currently, I'm waiting for AMSA to send out their e-mail, confirming officer positions. I hope that I got a spot, but as the break swings on, I begin to lose confidence and the prospect of becoming an officer gets just that farther. I had a lot of time to think about all my mistakes during the interview, haha, which definitely doesn't help. *cross---

EDITEDITEDITEDIT:
OMGAAAAAAAR!!! I GOT THE POSITION!!!!!!! I'M A COORDINATOR FOR STUDENTS TEACHING AIDS TO STUDENTS! OMGAaaAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!
I are: Internship/Secretary/Social Coordinator!
WOOT WOOT!!

That made my day ^3^
I predict further withdrawal from what everybody calls "a life" and more time spent under my rock. xD BUT IT'S OKAY!! BECAUSE I'LL BE SAVING LIVES AND TEACHING KIDS ABOUT AIDS!! WEEEEE. I'm so excited (though I really wawnted to test out the new 2nd job skills on Trickster and try out mabinogi with may ;__; I guess I'll be going on an indefinite hiatus from all mmorpgs for awhile *weep*.) BUT I'LL BE SAVING LIVES IN THE MEANTIME. *w* I'm so excited!!!!

Oh yeah, look at that hot guy! *w* I'd hit that! Or uh... what would Ianto say: I WOULD SNOG THAT!!! lol.

For some reason, I have a strange affinity to dress-up games. Putting outfits together (perhaps for future reference when I go shopping for myself, hee hee) puts my frazzled mind at rest. After spending the entire day on campus, running back and forth to classes and attending various club meetings, it's nice to just come home, eat a bowl of cereal, relax, and go to sleep.

This week has been unbelievably hectic. I barely have enough time to finish one chapter in bio before another chapter is thrown in front of me. Curiously enough, I enjoy it. I love the feeling of being rushed, this invisible hand that pushes me forward and never gives me enough time to look back. It makes me feel... mm... progressive, in a good way--kind of like art work. There's nothing like coming home exhausted from WORKING and not just idling about aimlessly. Spending, on average, at least ten hours on campus, I feel like I practically live there. But at the same time, I've gotten to spend more time with friends (I'd just sit in my warm apartment otherwise).

I ran for coordinator of Treasury/Social for STATS (student teaching aids to students) two days ago. It was one of those long days: physics lab at 8am, bio lecture, and chem lab--so that by the time I finally got to my interview, I had goggle marks imprinted onto my face with bags under my eyes and my hair sticking every this way and that due to the furious wind-storm we had raging outside. I'm sure I looked pretty disastrous, but I asked Tiff to bring me some foundation and a comb on her stop home, so I AT LEAST got to put on some of face and tame my pubic head before the interview, haha.

The interview itself, I believe, went well. I spoke clearly and with confidence, and I'm already on good terms with the board of coordinators that interviewed me. Since we've worked together before, with presentations and such, they should know how I function--hopefully that'll shine a positive light on my position. HOWEVER, I did make a mistake, though. They asked how many classes I was taking and what extracurricular activities I was taking part in... AND I LISTED THEM ALL LIKE A FOOOOOOOL. "Um... Bio, physics, Ochem, English... SAMA, STATS, DEESAC..." which led to the ominous question: "So... do you think you'll have enough time to invest in STATS if you were chosen for the position?" o___o I think I royally screwed up, but hopefully they'll be able to overlook that.

I'm officer of advertising for SAMA (Students Advcoating Medical Awareness), but we... really haven't really been doing anything. We're trying to get a stall for picnic day in order to raise funds and advertise, but the club itself has only met once. Activity is still something to be wanted, lol. Besides, I find making graphics fun. So the position of advertising is probably a destresser, if anything.

In addition, Brittany--my roommate--recently started the Photoclub on campus. So, aside from the other three science/medical centered clubs, I AM NOW IN THE PHOTO CLUB!! I've already learned a lot of interesting mechanics, such as: shutter speed and how to lower the radius of the lens so that less light comes in (which allows you to take pictures directly with the sun). Overlooking the fight that I'll probably be the laughingstock of the club (with me being so ignorant of taking pictures and whatnot) I'm really looking forward to attending these biweekly meetings! We get assignments: themes for that meeting; and we go out and take pictures on that theme. Afterwards, we send them to the president (Brittany) who puts them on a projector for some hardcore C&C. This meeting's theme was Buildings/Architecture. I already have some ideas in mind.... luckily I'm going home this weekend, since San Jose has a lot of buildings (most are Spanish influenced! Just some history, lol).

LOL. Home~ I can't wait xD I just finished packing; throwing clothes into my Aero bag while singing to the Beatles and Queen. Haha. I seriously can't believe how lucky I am to get a roommate like Tiff. Some people complain about how awful their roommate was last year, but Tiff and I mesh so well. Even though we don't see eye-to-eye on some things, we're just so... DORKY. looooool. We just had our own special Bohemian Rhapsody concert, complete with backup (BY ME), lead (BY TIFF) and hardcore air guitar skillz (from the both of us). I'm surprised that our neighbors haven't called, considering the racket we must have been making. lol.

um... I was going to write about something else. OH YES, I GOT A COUCH. We've been needing one since fall quarter--because, honestly, the floor isn't that comfortable and sitting around the kitchen table--just TALKING--is kind of awkward. A couch would be more fitting. Well, WE GOT ONE. AND FOR $5!!! That's: a blue couch about 2/3 the length of my car, for FIVE DOLLARS. It was such a steal.

The only dilemma was: HOW DO WE GET THE COUCH TO THE APARTMENT? Initially, we were planning to throw it onto a wooden plank with for wheels and just roll it the whole mile back to the apartment, but the couch was too tall for it. The wooden feet scraped against the floor, lodging itself in place whenever we made a dip or something. So, with that plan utterly thrown aside, we had to think of a new one. There was the possibility of CARRYING it, but one look at my puny arms had that plan set aside as well. So we decided to just TIE THE COUCH TO THE ROOF OF MY CAR AND DRIVE VERY SLOWLY BACK HOME. The whole procession was so hilarious xDD I wish I could have captured it on tape. I guess I'll just have to suffice with digital film :p





I have so much to write about--so many things that I don't want to forget, people I don't want to forget and the first impressions that I don't want to let slip by. AGH!!! x__X This is why journals need to be updated daily. I need to go make a CD for the drive home tomorrow. WEEEEE~~ I CAN'T WAIT 8D!!!

OH WAIT: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIND

ELEFANT - "BOKKIE" ?

I can't find it anywhere, but the song rocks so much Dx

There's nothing like the bitter taste of a dying friendship--a friendship that you know is deteriorating, that, with every word you trade, seems to fade even more and more... right before your eyes. I've never tried to revive a friendship before, because, honestly, I've never cared. Family before friends, has always been my belief. Friends make life fun and worthwhile, but they're like the capsule surrounding a plant's cell wall--it isn't a necessity; the cell can continue to live without it.

And so exerting this effort in keeping this one friendship alive, to no avail, is something new to me. I can't say that it's been a pleasurable experience--in fact, it's been nothing but failure and more failure--and my lacking social abilities don't help either.

With every conversation we strike, the sentences become shorter and shorter. Conversations that used to be rich and thought-provoking, are now replaced by small-talk and ambiguous emoticons with the occasional "How are you?" playing card thrown in when silence befalls us. And even that classic conversation-starter isn't enough to save this down-ward spiraling friendship.

There's nothing left but awkwardness, I think. I even hesitate before typing "Hi", simply because I know exactly how it's going to run and how the conversation will end. We'll talk, ask how each other's been, what we've been up to. Sometimes I'll ask if he's eaten, and, if the weather's cold, has he been wearing the scarf? The conversation dwindles to a few emoticons, the familiar "8D" and "xDD" to replace the words that we can't find and symbolize the feelings that aren't really there; the "LOL"'s and "hahahahaa"s that are as silent as the dead. I might bring up a random fact to start it rolling again, some stupid joke Tiff was telling me earlier that day, or maybe just give up for that week and end the conversation with an empty "lol.". Or, if it's late, we'll just head off to bed: "I'm going to go to sleep now! Goodnight. Sleep well." "Yeah, you too."

Close the window. Feel a little sad because you know, for certain, that the friendship is dying. And though I believed that distance was nothing but a number, a physical gap, it truly can put a strain on relationships. I think it's time I stop trying to retrieve what's obviously already been lost, or thrown away. With the history that we have, it's probably for the best. Of course I'm a little sad. The person is (was?) important to me: his mind, his words, his strength... I admired them, but I feel like I'm being pushed aside, as if the sentences are kept deliberately short to chase or intimidate me away. And if that's the case, then I suppose I'll just take it and go.

... I should try writing entires more early. I can't tell if I'm making sense of not because it's 5:11am. x3

I just got a call from my internship saying that they somehow overbooked my spot, so they're canceling the internship and trying to find me a new one x__x Oh gosh .... *crosses fingers*

I just took some Nyquil, so I think I'll be knocking out in a few minutes--I hope I'm not getting addicted! This is the second time I've downed the medicine, but only because I don't feel the slightest bit sleepy, yet have a physics discussion lab at 8am tomorrow morning. I don't have the will power to mentally pass out on my own, so medicine is my own choice for now--or until my body adjusts to this new schedule. Bleh :x Nyquil Addict, lol~

I was riding back home on the bus today, squished between two people because the bus was packed. Now, I like to keep to my own space, especially regarding strangers. I hate it when people slip their shoulders onto my side of the seat in lecture halls, when their voluminous hair brushes against my cheek, or even when the folds of their clothes touch my arm. I'm not paranoid or territorial, I don't think--I just don't like the feeling of someone getting THAT close. For the most part, I don't mind if it's family, friends, or a significant other--but, honestly? Tie up your hair and stop wearing those HUGE jackets that take up two seats. It's overwhelming.

So obviously the bus ride was unpleasant for me, but what made it worse was the faint odor of HOTDOG creeping out from one of my neighbors. Some will argue that hotdogs smell good, and I'd have to agree. Hotdogs smell great, especially when you're hungry, but when the odor is clinging onto the person like an extra coat it's just foul. It wasn't even the smell of fresh, warm hotdogs--it was the smell of stale bread; the smell of hotdog caught in a burp; the mix of too much relish and onion x___x I honestly stuffed my scarf up my nostrils to keep the smell away... .

I don't want to sound high and mighty or pretentious or whatever you want to call it--I know that some people can't help but smell the way they smell; or can't afford to have $1000 shampoo that smells like chunks of gold--but it really bothers me when people reek. It might be a family thing @___@ Even the sight of chunky, oily hair makes my stomach curl a bit.

Oh, wow--I'm getting sleepy :x I have a feeling that this post made me seem like an ass. I'm not a butt hole Q__Q I just don't like it when people don't take the time to clean themselves... . I wish everything smelled like COOKIES!!! 8D *crawls into bed*

Though I only had four classes, the day seemed so stretched and long! How did I manage this in Highschool? I do not know! Maybe I am getting lazier... OR OLDER. Maybe I don't have any energy left. I've grown old and feeble. SOON I WILL NEED A CANE TO WALK ABOUT. Oh noes ;_;

Yesterday... I had pie with James. He was AGHAST when I told them that I had never had banana creme pie and swore that one day WE WOULD GO EAT BANANA CREME PIE. So when I texted him of how lonely I felt after my parents returned to San Jose, he declared PIE TIEM. So we had pie at Baker's Square. It was... okay. I didn't have the heart to tell him that it wasn't as good as he said it'd be, haha. Apple is much better, in my opinion.


( And the aftermath... )

Today... I was planning to make soup, because Tiff got braces approximately five days ago so her teeth are rather sore. But on the way home, Brittany texted us all saying that she'd be making Chicken Pot Pie & Black Forest Cookies tonight. YUM! The house smelled so delicious while she was cooking. I really had to restrain myself from snacking, haha. I WAS SO HUNGRY ;~;

( Butter buns & Cookies! )
Why do I always write about food? It makes me look like all I ever do is eat... which is partially true. PARTIALLY.

Oh, YES! So last night I wanted to write about this strange dream I had. It's a shame that I couldn't write it the day OF the dream, because I can only recall fragments now, and even those fragments are somewhat unclear. I WILL TRY TO REMEMBER, however.

It begins with the little Mermaid. The evil step mother forces her to set up the festival tents. Up go the red and white stripes and, between them all, strings of lanterns swing in the humid air. When the Little Mermaid finishes, she goes back home, a dingy, stone house. She kneels on the cold floor and... I don't remember what she does, but then Eric appears before her. And suddenly her heart swells with love and hope. Eric takes her to this beautiful green lake, and the Little Mermaid think that she will finally be freed from the evil stepmother, but then something creeps out on a boat. It is the evil step mother and her two daughters! She congratulates Eric for bringing the Little Mermaid here.

Eric then pushes the Little Mermaid into the pond, where the fish tear her apart. The step sisters point and laugh, but the Step Mother turns around and shoves one of her daughters into the pond as well. And there's thrashing and screaming and water flying everywhere. The other daughter follows soon after. At this point, I view the dream from this daughter's perspective. I feel the fish gnaw on my legs, but it's a numb feeling. The Step Mother tells me that she will free me if I take a picture of my other sister. So I take a picture of my sister (the step sister, not Ai).

Afterwards, we (Eric, the step mother, and I) go to the fair. Everybody from my real family (Cindy, May, Di Ha, Uncle Peter, Aikhanh...) is there. They all look at me strangely, as if they recognize me, though they shouldn't. I walk up to Aikhanh, who is standing in one of the striped booths and maliciously whisper in her ear: "Your sister is dead" and walk away.

Cindy hops up and loops her arm around mine. I look at her. I can feel my face wrinkle as I frown at her. "What are you doing? Phi is dead." "No, she isn't." She takes me to a dock where all the uncles are gambling at a small table. I sit at the table and, for the first time, touch my face with my hands. I feel my real face beneath my fingers.

Weird, no? I have no idea what this means, but it was a bit scary waking up from it. It was a good dream, nonetheless x3

Well, I'm back in Davis. The weather's much more chilly over here than in San Jose--it has this biting kind of quality and creeps about the house like a thief (or murderer)! But I'd rather much wrap myself in a thick blanket than trek down stairs and turn on the heater. We survived summer without air conditioning, I'm sure we can live through winter without having to depend on a heat source other than ourselves. WE SHALL PREVAIL.

Winterbreak was wonderful. I <3 you, my family and friends. I wish I could replay those 3 weeks again and again--well, save for a few moments that I didn't quite enjoy. *deletes bad moments*

The Highlights of Winterbreak '07 (in the order that I remember them...):

TORCHWOOD MARATHON: Oh, my--Jack Harness and Ianto Jones in the lurve. ANGST. I feed off of angst the same way a tape worm feeds on its host. Too bad I won't be here to watch the 2nd Season. I demand a certain someone upload episodes for me to download while I'm sleeping!

DR. WHO MARATHON: Looking past the fact that I skipped the majority of Season 1, I enjoyed this series, haha. Dr. Who's quirkiness and lankiness stole my heart away. Now, if only men like that existed in real life--perhaps I wouldn't be such a lonely soul xD

CHRISTMAS & KIM'S BIRTHDAY: I have no idea when Kimmy's birthday was, but the fact that it was delayed until CHRISTMAS is kind of depressing. SHAME ON YOU GUYS. It was like the time Ai and I celebrated our birthdays and her graduation on the same day, haha. On the bright side, it does save money and time.

AND CHRISTMAS. Oh gosh, every time I look back at our christmas pictures, I feel slightly bad inside. OUR MONUMENTAL TOWER OF GIFTS is downright overwhelming. Regardless, it isn't like we stole the money. The gifts were bought with hard-earned cash--our family just likes to spend a lot. A LOT. A LOOOOOOOOT. Thanks so much for Snake Bear, by the way. He's chilling with Godzilla and Alexander right now on my bed. Still has his pants on, too, but they might come off when I'm not looking. :o

DINNER AT SANTANA ROW: It was nice to be able to catch up with friends! Even though we had to sit outside and eat and freeze and eat and shiver and eat and blow on our hands and eat, it was still fun. A bit awkward when someonekept bringing up how I used to like him in the past and attempting to lock our arms together when crossing the street and trying to wrap an arm around me when I was cold (ugh, what a jerk. I seriously wanted to slap him)... but still fun. Santana Row is very beautiful during Christmas. Lights hang from all corners and there is even a Santa that walks down the sidewalk, ringing a bell! Very cheery, though expensive... .

THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART: I can't believe I took the Bart on my own! How frightening, to walk into the station, purchase my own ticket, and board a train heading in a direction that I am SOMEWHAT unsure of. The passengers were very kind, though, and helped me figure out my destination. Hee hee. Well, after meeting up with my friend at the West Oakland Station, we went to SF and visited a district that I'd never been to before. I really got to enjoy the aesthetic value of the city--the plants and flowers, the fountains and statues. It was so much fun! I took pictures... but accidentally deleted them ;__; However, I will hold the memories in my heart!

I did get swindled out of my money and food by two homeless people. One was asking for money, while my friend and I were waiting in line. Another one asked for food after my friend and I just left a Japanese restaurant's. SPEAKING OF WHICH, we walked from MOMA to Japan Town. That's... mm... 2 miles, about? Even though I hated the exercise, it was so much fun! We ran into really interesting things and people (3 transvestites calmly talking about anal sex, glass objects curiously shaped like dildos, pipes painted like mushrooms, a man who played those ancient Asian instruments).

He also showed me this interesting statue that sits and stands as YOU sit and stand. Very strange. It's sits somewhere in a garden, hidden in a corner--I don't think I'd be able to locate it again if someone asked me to. I am quite bad with directions. Quite bad.

CHRISTMAS IN THE PARK: I've been there with friends many times, have even volunteered to set up some of the props, but it's been so long since my family has gone to it together. I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE CHURRO PENISES and the four of us freezing on the steps of the museum and everybody peeking through the window of the closed bakery shop, haha. Did I mention that i love my family ;_; ? We are so weird, and yet I FIND US ADORABLE. *makes clonies of family* Now I won't be lonely up here in Davis x3

SLUMBER PARTY: Q__Q I had to leave early to get my TB shot examined, so I wasn't able to enjoy this slumber party to the fullest. I am sorry, cinday & may--who didn't wake up even though I kicked them and said goodbye. haha. AND LOL, MAY'S BODY SUIT. I need to upload the image onto facebook. LAWL MATERIAL.

CHINA TOWN: I'm always a bit hesitant when it comes to traveling with my extended family, since we're so large that keeping track of everybody becomes a hassle--and with my grandparents and aunt tagging along, my apprehension only grew. The trip turned out to be so much fun, though! Watching my grandparents walk slowly together, hand in hand, reliving what I think was their past in vietnam as we traveled through the market area made me go "awwww" inside x3 Then we went to the shopping distract, where we were separated for some time, but met up again at the end of the street. AND WHO COULD FORGET OUR ENTIRE FAMILY ORDERING THE LAST TWO DUCKS AND OUR LINES OF SOUP. haha. Of course, I had to order fried chow mein and ruin the trend ;_;

I AM MAN... LEGEND: LOL. I still think I AM MAN sounds so much better. I thought that the movie turned out okay, but had potential to be even better. It left a lot of unanswered questions... .

NEW YEARS: I almost forgot this. Is it just me or was New Years very chill this year? Even the reporters were late on the countdown. Well, due to a certain someone, half of my family became ill soon after this celebration and coughed their way into 2008.

UGH. I was going to write more on a strange dream and my POV on drifting relationships with friends, but I'll save it for tomorrow @_@ I went to go pick up Tiff from the Sac Airport (YEAH! I DROVE THERE! CAN I HEAR A ... A.. WOOT WOOT?) and didn't get back until 12-ish >>; And I have to get up early tomorrow. 9am class? Q___Q WHAT KIND OF BLASPHEMY IS THIS?!

UNTIL NEXT TIME--which will hopefully be tomorrow.

EDITED TO AVOID DRAMA
'tis only there for my private viewing now. Thanks, lufflies :3
So, with our pork & shrimp gone, Tiff and I made spring rolls with deli-meat.



( On a lighter note...THE MAGIC OF FACEBOOK )